My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1995 - 1789: The Mark

The snow leaves no trace, yet it carries emotions. Are we really meant to just stop here and watch as the clouds disperse?

"I know that this isn’t something that a simple ’sorry’ can completely resolve. The hurt you’ve spoken of might be something I can never mend in this lifetime. But did you know that over the years, I’ve truly cared for you too? Yet, when I genuinely tried to treat you sincerely, you thought I was lying. It was then that I realized that no matter how much I put into it, it may never earn your trust. Only one instance of hurt, repeated doubt, makes it fated that we cannot be together in this life!"

Did you know that throughout the years with you there were moments of real happiness as well as deep sadness? I often reminisce about every path I walked with her, avoiding it, unable to face every step we took. I’m terrified. As soon as I open my eyes and see that place, I think of us holding hands, smiling happily on the street, and chasing each other. Do you know? It’s such a subtle feeling!

You also know that after all these years together, we never had that kind of tacit understanding. Deep down, you know, no matter how many mistakes I make, I’ll never be the best in your heart, right?

You always think you can give me the happiness I want, but ask yourself honestly, have you really given me happiness? Did you ever truly give me the happiness I yearned for? Even though I sometimes smiled with you, do you know those were forced smiles? I couldn’t always keep a straight face with you, right? Genuine smiles with you are rare, so rare, and I don’t even understand why. Perhaps saying these things now will hurt you deeply and be a heavy blow. It may make you feel like a failed man who can’t provide his wife’s happiness, but do you know that some things must be clearly stated now? If they aren’t clarified, there’ll be no chance left, and I hope you understand the anguish in my heart!"

"When you tell me to understand your inner pain now, have you ever thought about how your words and actions have embarrassed me so much? You clearly did these things, and I truly wanted to divorce you right away, to completely kick you out of the house. But for the sake of my father’s reputation, for the family’s interest, I can’t do that. If I were to do that, the consequences would be unimaginable. My father’s company would face a huge financial gap. What would I do then? I can’t let my father once again endure such a risk because of my affairs. I’ve given him nothing but harm once after another, and what’s your result when I fully open to you? I threaten even my own father just for you. Tell me, what more do I have to do for you to be satisfied? Human hearts are made of flesh. They feel cold and pain. Why do you treat me like this? Aren’t you afraid that I will be deeply hurt and cry my heart out?"

They say the woman’s heart is the most venomous, but I never expected my wife would treat me this way. I thought no matter what you did, at least in your heart there is still me. But now, even my last illusions about you have been shattered. No matter what you do, the person in your heart is not me, and I’m deeply hurt. All I wanted was to distance myself further from you, so the guilt would lessen, but do you know every word you say, every rejection, makes me feel like you don’t think I love you enough, not sincerely enough. I gave my whole heart to you endlessly, but you’ve chosen to hurt me in this manner. Is that fair to me? Watching me suffer heartbreak after heartbreak, does your heart truly feel happy and satisfied?"

"I have sincerely apologized to you, and I’ve said sorry for this matter. What more do you want from me? Do you want me to kneel and admit my faults? Whose life doesn’t involve some foolishness in dealing with someone? Maybe you think what I’ve done is just insulting you, but do you know my love for him will never change in this lifetime? Until he left, I never realized how much I loved her, to the bone. Do you know how much pain that is? Looking at him, seeing my own reflection, at every photograph with him, do you know how much my heart aches? All these years, I never let you touch my things because I’m afraid you’ll discover all my inner secrets. I’m terrified of that day coming, and if it truly arrives, I won’t know how to explain to you. But today, I’ve chosen to confess it all, just to let you know that some things are beyond the control of either of us!"

"Do you know that for this momentary arrangement, I’ve prayed before Buddha for a thousand years? Carrying all our past memories, step by step until today, only hoping to be with you. But eventually I got you, yet I didn’t get your heart. I gave you everything, yet in the end, you gave me nothing but massive blows and hurt!

Your persistence now is simply unyielding. No matter how you treat him, he will never return to your side. All you’ll ever see is his shadow, and do you think it doesn’t matter? Have you considered the pain in my heart as a husband? You always think your actions are correct, but do you know your actions have hurt two people? Do you realize this will make us, two men, feel guilty and torn? I don’t know how to articulate this to you properly. Maybe I’m just as insignificant as a tiny speck of dust in your eyes, not even worth noticing. Yet, do you know that even a grain of sand will shine, someday you’ll shimmer like a diamond, but you’ll never see that day, because you’ve completely taken away my radiance!"

"Sorry, truly sorry!"

"Don’t come to me with apologies anymore. Hope you stop being delusional. No matter how many times you think about it, he will never return to your side. No matter to what extent you go for him, he won’t glance back. What’s past is past, you can only silently bear the pain in your heart. From now on, you’re walking step by step toward your demise. I will never touch you again!"

I never thought of relying on past marks to pity anyone!